Daddy's going to work

So this is my dad, off to do a wedding in Gateshead.
I get to go with.
My particular mode d'emploi at an event like this is smile sweetly through all the preliminaries. Play without a mutter through anything that is not absolutely vital and then bang my head at some important moment and waAHAHHHHH!
So I'm not really sure about the stuff that comes after the ring thing. Someone said something about something breaking and then everyone crying, I just went for the bruise and cry option. It seems a whole lot more sensible than, I mean, actually breaking anything, why would you want to do that?!

As close readers of my blog will know, I'm a fan of grammar, so no one should be too surprised to find that my dad regularly marries people, while my pappa often does crime and my malka seems to spend quite of lot time in prision.
They tell me it is all quite above board, but I'm not so sure.